Thursday, August 11, 2016

Time is all I've got

I remember when I first got married, I was so determined to be super wife , and that covered everything from being wild in bed to being wilder in the kitchen (not sure which one of those two guys actually prefer).
Anybody who knows me well, knows I'm a dud in the kitchen. I remember a particular episode with a key lime pie I tasted at a restaurant in Houston and a pavlova a Belgian lady made for me in England.

I wanted to stun my new husband so I decided to make these two desserts - at the same time. I started baking around 9 pm because who doesn't love to bake at night?

Well I started and failed miserably, so of course I had to do it again and again, each time getting more and more worked up with the husband begging me to let it go.

He had to go to walmart sometime that night, with the key lime being finally presentable. The pavlova kept breaking apart and has not been attempted since then.

Which brings me to these,

See, I decided to dabble in meal prep, freezer meals and crockpot recipes a few days ago and I came across these chicken bundles, I made them with 2 kinds of pastry.
End Result: one got burnt and I don't know what's up with the other one (it cooked in another dimension I presume). I didn't freak out or castigate myself for just one reason.


I've had time to grow, be more confident in myself and my abilities, time to learn to appreciate myself outside of others and time to acquire new skills.
As a writer, I am not so eager to get a book out there. I am committed to the process of growing for me. My writing will be first for my enjoyment, and then for everyone else out there.


Song in my head
Charli XCX - boom clap

How To Be Depressed When You Don't Do Depression

Or if I were going to steal my friend Julie's fave word, Let's call this how to be depressed like a superstar!!!!!

Have I ever told you the story about my five PAs?
I had this dream when I was younger, that when I became an adult (25 but that age keeps changing now) I would have five personal assistants.
1. Would help me with my kids as we fly around the world because of my busy schedule
2. Personal Shopper - I hate shopping but a busy girl has to look good at all times
3. An actual Assistant in charge of my schedule
4. I cant remember what the other two job descriptions but I had plans for them

SO each year I'd get depressed because, Hello! I can't even afford an intern. One day, the hubby pointed out my yearly birthday funk, and I realized August 11 had become a day to hide from reality, a day I wanted to pretend didn't exist. But that is so not me, I refuse to hide out in shame because of a stupid goal that I, not even society set for me.

The truth is, I'm not where I want to be, but I'm exactly where I need to be. My house smells of pee and nuclear poop (my fictional assistant/nanny would have quit anyways).
I complain that my personal space is constantly invaded by two of the cutest kids alive, but the truth is, I've realized they keep me hassled just enough to keep me out of trouble.

True to form I want to be depressed today, in fact, I can see that black hole just over there but I can't, my life won't stop long enough to play with that dark hole - of which i'm grateful.

So instead of complaining about my crazy life that wont slow down long enough for my melancholic tendencies, I will embrace and celebrate the things that are pulling me away from the darkness.
1. A hot hubby
2. The busiest toddler I've ever met
3. My former crazy toddler and current resident chatterbox
4. Friends and family
5. Kindle Unlimited
6. and so much more

I guess today - my birthday, I've decided to give depression a new face. Consider it my birthday gift to you. People often tell me how lucky I am because I have friends, I'm well liked, there's no way I can understand what depression feels like - I'm simply too perky and happy for that.

I understand it all too well, I just don't live there anymore, one day in the near future my life will slow down and I am sure I will have to face the darkness again, but I believe my current life is a training ground to make me tougher for the years ahead - the future me better be able to karate chop depression if it deigns to come near me.

Caution: This chick runs on Jesus  and a lot of solitude