Thursday, December 9, 2010

Rules for Anthology

If I can't read my christmas stories at christmas time then I don't feel like a happy bunny. I love today's post so much, I wish I had written it. Let me introduce you to the Evil Overlord better known as Silke Juppenlatz on book covers. All I did was ask her for tips on how to write an anthology and do it internationally nonetheless, the following genius tips are her idea.
Evil Overlord Rules for Anthology Writers
Way back in May, someone said "Let's write a Christmas Anthology."
Uh-huh. You know what they say about all the best laid plans, right?
Since then, my life has been in turmoil and I have found myself cast in the role of:

Evil Anthology Overlord

*cackles madly, strokes bald cat and tries to control the twitch in her right eye* 

Naturally, there are rules your minions have to adhere to. Virtual bloodshed isn't pretty, so make the minions behave themselves. (I know it's difficult, but try. Buy a whip, if required.)
I have accomplished my goal. The anthology stories are out. Mission accomplished.
It is time to train my successors, whoever they may be. I shall share the steps with you.

  1. Allow your minions to brainstorm wildly. It makes them feel like you're not watching.
  2. Encourage cross pollination and ignore genres. Tell everyone "It will work out in the end." (Do this without cackling, or they get suspicious.)
  3. Steal someone's secondary character and make it your heroine. It ensures chaos across the board, in someone else's story. Perfect.
  4. Let your minions slack for several months. Don't mention time is passing and they should be writing. (The longer you leave it, the greater the panic.)
  5. When the deadline looms large in the window—ask how everyone is doing. Let them sit, simmer and procrastinate another four weeks.
  6. Three months before the actual release date, raise hell. Loudly. Make them freak, realizing they don't have a story. Tie their left hand to their back, to stop those infernal paper aeroplanes hitting you in the back of the head while you're not watching. (The "One Finger Eagle Seek and Destroy" typing system works well enough, at the rate they are going.)
  7. Attempt to disguise your panic as well meant encouragement, when nothing happens. Chastise the minion who untangled the rope for throwing paper aeroplanes at fellow incapacitated minions. They should be writing, dammit.
  8. Panic. Threaten everyone with sharpened pencils (red, to camoflage the blood when you stab them with it.) until they install Skype. Congregate there every night. Send Skype conference call requests if they happen to fall asleep on the job. BURN all paper aeroplanes.
  9. Start writing. Change entire plotlines affecting others, just for the fun of it. Do it at the last minute. They can handle it.
  10. Keep them awake until at least 3am to ensure compliance and completion. Reward with paper for building the aeroplanes, and get the HELL out of Dodge before they build bombers instead.

There you have it. Those are tried and tested steps, use them as you see fit.
Of course, once you have completed, submitted and got everything accepted, you need to change tactics.
Your new target is The Publisher. *insert evil dum-dum-dum-dummmmmmm and trumpet*

An Evil Anthology Overlord's work never ends.

You can find out for yourself if the rules worked, by checking out the following:
Smitten by Silke Juppenlatz  |   Midwinter Magic by Nina Croft
Holiday Headlines by R.M. Gilbert   |   Snowy Encounters by Clarissa Yip

I love this book cover
Smitten:Reserved and shy Jo Button is tired of being the talk of the town. Enough is enough. Time to put her plans in motion, but a mishap forces her to seek out veterinarian Ash Delaney-the one man she has always wanted.
Ex-Guardian Angel Ashriel isn't too happy when the reason for his de-haloed state shows up and requests his help. He has avoided Jo Button for ten years, and could quite happily go another ten without seeing her-until he realizes her battered reputation was his fault.
Can Ashriel save Jo, even if it means redemption is beyond his grasp, or will he lose his halo permanently along with the woman he's come to care for? 


About Silke
Silke was born in Germany and now lives in leafy Surrey(UK) with her partner.
Growing up in a house that’s older than dirt, she is used to things going bump a O'Dawn Thirty, but these days the only thing going bump after midnight is her -- attempting to navigate to the kitchen in near darkness to score another cup of coffee.
When she isn't writing, she can be found on the back of a black cob mare, getting hopelessly lost in the woods. (Apparently horses don't have GPS or homing devices.)
Although her books are predominantly about demons, angels and vampires, aliens and elves have been known to make an appearance in her WIP folder.
She likes to hear from her readers, and you can contact her via her blog: http://www.evilauthor.com

42 comments:

  1. Hi Joanna. I read your post on another board and come over to pay you a visit, and join as a reader.

    Nice to meet you, I'm Ivy.

    ReplyDelete
  2. PS: I just gave your fish food. How fun is that?

    Catch you again soon. Happy writing :-)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi Silke - I would love to say you did a great job of making us evil anthology minions behave - but really - it was never going to happen!
    Big hugs for all the support

    ReplyDelete
  4. @ Nina That's only because my whip broke, and I discovered the red "pencil" I used was really lip liner.
    (In case you thought you had measles: That's not what those red dots were.)
    Thanks for stopping by!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Love this post! You started my day laughing :)...oh wait...I meant cackling.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Love the whip part...ouch! and the part of inflicting serious pain on the minions. Ha! Do you write fantasy/adventure? If no, i think you should give it a serious try.

    ReplyDelete
  7. @ Rula -- You gotta have a good cackle in the morning, it clears the airways, I'm told. And a cauldron helps, too! It's cold out, so mine is full of Glühwein right now (German mulled wine), made from scratch, of course!
    Even Evil Overlords get caught up in the Christmas Spirit. (Emphasis on "Spirit" Hic!)

    ReplyDelete
  8. I am suddenly very very scared...

    :-) Take care
    x

    ReplyDelete
  9. LOL. Great post. Somehow, I think you enjoyed being the Evil Overlord more than you're letting on....

    ReplyDelete
  10. Silke, I was busting up over this. Your what intimidated me into seclusion to finish my story...when I came back everyone was cover in red...or was it seeing red. Lol. Great post!!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Of course, by 'Your' *look above* I mean, You're. :P

    ReplyDelete
  12. LOL Joanna, I will travel to yonder blog and follow. This is great.
    Nancy
    N. R. Williams, fantasy author

    ReplyDelete
  13. I tried to leave a comment on the other site but it wouldn't let me. So I will say hi from here.
    Nancy
    N. R. Williams, fantasy author

    ReplyDelete
  14. Just in time for the release of Descpicable Me coming out on DVD in a few days. Gotta keep those minions in line!

    ReplyDelete
  15. I think it's so cool how it all came together!
    Congrats!!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Hahaha! Awesome! Congrats!! Looks great!!!

    ReplyDelete
  17. I never thought about writing an anthology, but if it provides me with an excuse to purchase a whip, I might consider it.

    Fun post.

    ReplyDelete
  18. @ Vanessabarger -- Lies! LIES! I'm telling you, don't believe the minions, they have it in for me!
    @ Kimber -- Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it. :)
    @ RM Gilbert -- I think it was a bit of both. ;)
    @ N.R. Williams -- it wouldn't let you comment? Argh! I shall check it out henceforth! *grumbles about wordpress gremlins*
    @ Jennifer -- Miss Clairol is a lot richer now, trust me!
    @ Colene Murphy -- Thanks! :)
    @ Missed Periods -- You need an excuse to buy a whip? Darn. Well, now you got one. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  19. Haha! What a great post! Silke sounds like a lot of fun - I must go check out her blog. Thanks, Joanna.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Hi Ivy welcome to my humble but eclectic abode
    @Old Kitty don't be scared Silke has promised to play nice
    @ Talli I have been going nuts about her all day and she lives in my neck of the woods too

    ReplyDelete
  21. ha! Love it, Silke. I can't wait to read your story. Congratulations on getting it all together. You and your cohorts [okay, fine, minions] did a great job.

    ~Bethanne

    ReplyDelete
  22. Secretly replace normal coffee with decaf. Then change it over to super strength. Then return to decaf.

    Keeps them on their toes!

    Bwah ha ha!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Silke, you kill me sometimes, but I still love you. I think you gave great advice. (Did I tell you I'm hiding the next the antho call comes around?)

    As one of the minions,this overall was fun, but harrowing. Next time, I know what needs to be done: Day One - Stick the evil overlord on them. (j/k)

    ReplyDelete
  24. This was a really fun and hilarious post!

    ReplyDelete
  25. This was a funny post! And the advice was great.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Hi Silke, you're scaring me...I have an anthology story due in just over 30 days...should I have started it by now? I love your banner btw!

    ReplyDelete
  27. I can't wait to read the stories! Congrats!

    ReplyDelete
  28. This cracked me up and I'm so glad I wasn't at the receiving end of that whip you wield!

    ReplyDelete
  29. This would be funny if it wasn't true, ha ha!

    ReplyDelete
  30. Yes, and btw Joanna, a house swap sounds fine!

    ReplyDelete
  31. Thanks everyone!

    Right. My Stollen dough is done (3 hrs of kneading *groans* Yes, I make my own Christmas Stollen (Recipe on my blog btw) and I make it from scratch, by hand.) The place smells all lemon-zesty and yummy... and I haven't even baked them yet!
    (See, I'm not so evil. If the minions wouldn't be so far apart, I'd feed them some Stollen, but alas...)

    @ Talli -- I'm actually not quite as evil as I pretend to be. I'm mellowing. AMMAGAWD!!
    @ Joanna -- I'm loving it. :) Thanks for having me. :)
    @ Maureen -- Aha! An Overlord in the making!! I like the way you think! (*notes it down*)
    @ Clarissa -- Oh sure, try to pretend you're all sugar and spice and sweet and... You took all my EYES out!!! (My characters are blind. Seriously.)
    @ Quinn & @ Golden Eagle -- Thanks :)
    @ Kate -- Well. You might be all right, if you put down the paper aeroplanes. *takes all paper away*
    @ Elana -- HA! FTW indeed! (Fellow gamer, eh?)
    @ Whisk, Chelle, Debora & Nas -- Thanks! I enjoyed being here.

    A quick note: If you want to comment on Evilauthor -- the Google comments don't work, regular ones do. :)
    (I'm looking into it.)

    ReplyDelete
  32. This is some list. An evil overlord's work is never done. Much like Santa Claus.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Oh I did enjoy this post! :D

    Well done for whipping them all into shape Silke!

    Joanna - Hi! I have an award for you!

    :Dom

    ReplyDelete
  34. What a funny post. I can learn a lot about evil ways from you. That's for hosting, Joanna.

    CD

    ReplyDelete
  35. Silke, you know you had to take those eyes out! They did too much 'looking'! I didn't blind them, just helped them connect to their inner...angels!

    ReplyDelete
  36. LOL, what a heelaireeous post. Silke, I can just imagine you cracking that virtual whip!!! Joanna, you've done it again, given me a great chortle to make my day ;)

    Rach

    ReplyDelete
  37. What a great list! "red, to camouflage the blood stains" hee hee!

    ReplyDelete

I'd love to hear what you have to say, so go on & make my day